Happy 1st Birthday Bubba! aka Red aka Bubba Pat Pat aka Bubba Red Bear aka MY SON

 I have said this recently, but the assumption of time is an idiots bet. NOW is the only promise of time given.

Charles Patrick Farr. Born January 3rd

2013.

First becoming a father "parent" with my Abbers a year and nine months prior did nothing to lessen the moment. EVERY hope, fear, and joy was being experienced as my little guy came screaming into this world. Delivery this time was much easier....YES I know what I just did here, and yes I realize that is very EASY for me to say....One exception though, with Abby my beautiful tough as nails wife was in active delivery long enough for ME to lose my voice and be physically exhausted only to have the doctor come in and tell us that the baby's heart rate was falling and that they would be performing an emergency cesarean immediately. The team took Molly away leaving me with scrubs to change into and the promise that someone would return shortly to get me. Easily the hardest moment of my life, and the defining moment of faith and not taking time for granted. God carried me that day and provided Molly and I with the cutest most spirited little girl I could ever dream to raise!

I will never forget the doctor coming into our room. Molly resting while I lounged on the super uncomfortable sofa, admiring my swaddle work...I am a swaddle ninja...watching our little guy sleep. The doctor VERY nonchalantly begins to explain that there is a noticeable "sound" when checking his heartbeat with the stethoscope that typically if present at birth goes away very quickly. For our son it had not. As I attempt to remain calm and "strong" I hear none of what the doctor is saying, Molly gets up and sits next to me, I have my hand on her leg and can do nothing but stare at my son, telling myself that I HAVE to maintain composure for my wife. I fill up with emotion that almost explodes and fight it back again and again. I do not remember what was said to bring me back into the moment, but when I do it is to hear that there will be an ultrasound done on his heart to determine the cause of the "sound" and its severity. We are told that someone will be along shortly to get OUR son and take him to have the "procedure" done. Typically the procedure takes about an hour, and when completed someone would bring him back to the room. Not a Fucking chance he would go through that without his parents, and after a promise to allow the tech to do their job with out a peep from papa, off we went. I will tell you that I now a year later can do no justice to the impact of being present had on me. I was asked by the tech (really I was) to soothe my son as she moved him into the positions required to capture the needed images of his heart. I held him in some way the entire time, never taking my eyes off of his. Praying for him to be okay, telling God that I would give ANYTHING for him to be, promising God to protect my family, and praying for the ability to do so no matter the requirement TO DO SO. I was angry that there was nothing I could do to "fix" his potential problem, and terrified that he might have a life of limitations ahead.

The three of us settle back into our room to await the results that we would receive "sometime" this afternoon. Molly is hungry and specifically requests a Freddy's burger and fries. Off I go......the whole trip out for food is surreal, almost like I am watching myself do it. As I pull back into the Women's Center parking lot I breakdown completely. I park and am staring at Park Valley Drive, sitting in the car crying my eyes out, breaking, asking God to please show me why my family must bear yet another burden.....It is a cold Friday, sunny, much like today, around 1pm.....Down the street to my left I see a jogger approaching. As he gets closer I see that he has no arms. As he passes me, I see that he has the bionic man prosthetic legs (and an A&M beanie, of course it's a fucking Aggie). I watch him until he makes the corner and goes left. Thank you Lord!! 

No more tears. This isn't punishment. This is life!! Obstacles become roadblocks only if we allow them to. Adversity has two solutions: acceptance (ride the pine) or a BIG FUCK YOU I GOT A GAME TO WIN!! What game is it? LIFE....Quit and the world will embrace you and the excuses, some might even champion you as a poster child for the embattled or wronged (they get a lot of likes).......or......get dressed, put on your bionic legs and go for a jog motherfuckers...why? Because you can, no matter what the world tells you, because if you stop making excuses or allowing others to make them for you and do the work YOU WILL WIN.

My son has VSD (ventricular septal defect). The hole in his heart has closed substantially since birth, but still remains. The cardiologist says that in all likelihood the hole is small enough that Bubba will never experience any limitations because of it. Thanks DOC, we got this, Bubba will NEVER have any limitations. He will arrive at obstacles along the way, and smash them to pieces if forced to, but he will never once believe that he "can't" do something. I will make sure of it.

Son, my present to you is this:

The rules,
1) Don't Die- stolen from Mark Manning

2) Operate out of LOVE and nothing else. Love is not weak and those that believe it to be will always crumble before it.

3) NEVER through participation or association allow ANYTHING to be done with the sole purpose/intention of hurting others PERIOD.

Remember my boy these are rules and by definition are not to be broken, no matter the consequence. I will always support you no matter my opinion of your choices so long as you follow the rules. I also understand that this requires me to follow them as well PERIOD. I will not fail you, I promise.

My Promise,
I promise to not take away nor allow anyone else to take away your confidence, joy, and willingness to love or dance no matter who is watching. Keep your WAR CRY son and never be ashamed of it.

I promise to not only protect you, but to allow you to take chances as well.

I promise to encourage you to GO BIG! Understanding that with it more times than not, you will FAIL BIG. Anything truly worthwhile will require this ability.

I promise to ALWAYS listen.

I promise to always back you up, so long as you follow the rules.

I promise to discipline you anytime anywhere if you do not follow the rules.

I promise to not preach to you, but instead show you through my own actions what I expect.

I promise to always be a father that you can be proud of. Even when you aren't watching.

I promise that I will ALWAYS LOVE YOU.

Remember this always,
Your Mother is always right. TRUST ME

Love, protect, and trust your sister always, and she will always do the same for you. TRUST ME, the world will want no part of being on her bad side. I will see to that.

If you find yourself amongst those who do not encourage your dreams, they are your enemy and deserve to be treated accordingly. (follow the rules)

Sunshine is precious and should be appreciated. Do not be in the business of wasting it by blowing it up peoples asses. (I take ownership of this ism and it is my gift to you as your first ism)

It is what we do when "things" stop working that defines our character and true abilities.

I am your biggest fan.

NEVER GIVE UP. EVER

NEVER QUIT. EVER

Believe in GOD, GOD believes in you

Trust your instincts and that your family will always love you. The rest of the world earns it.

Talk is cheap and people charge a boatload for it. Spend

your money and your time getting it done.

I LOVE YOU



HAPPY BIRTHDAY SON! The truth of it, is that because of your Mother you and your sister have given me more than I could ever give to you, and have often been the teachers and I the student. I know you didn't pick me, but I am honored to be your Father first and foremost, and second your biggest fan for life. Thank you