THANK YOU

On the eve of Thanksgiving I find myself unable to sleep and compelled to give thanks along with making a request. Forgive me, this will ramble a bit as I get to the point. It is late/early and I can't let this go.

One year ago to the day my life was quite different than it is now as I write this. 

The Friday before Thanksgiving I recieved word that the position I had been recently hired for was being put " on hold" due to contract complications and that I was to stop the work I had been doing and that " they would be in touch once the terms had been renegotiated." At the time Abby was just over a year and a half old and Molly was less than two months away from giving birth to Bubba. Scary does not even begin to scratch the surface. A lot had already happened in the previous months and this was a blow that I was having trouble treating the way I had all the previous obstacles. How would we survive? How would I make sure that my wife and unborn son would receive the proper medical attention? What if Abby needed a doctor? How would I pay our bills? Keep a roof over our head? A vehicle? How would we eat? How do I make my family believe that we will be okay when I myself did not know how? 

For the better part of twelve years my motto had been this. Prefaced by saying we make one choice every single day, " you are either a victim of life or a student of living." ...................Now this was born of a time in my life that had been difficult, but at that time I did not have a family to take care of. I had encountered hundreds of people and shared this motto as the years rolled by, and through very hard work had been living a life where my worries or concerns were laughable compared to what was before me now. 

Times would get much worse before they got better.

 We quietly sold everything we had of any value, so we could pay Molly's doctor, our rent, bills, food. I sent resume after resume in, filled out many applications, felt defeated when I would not get a job that I considered to be a "sure" thing.

 Then we had to sell even the things we considered to be off limits. My truck which was the nicest vehicle I had ever owned was when I knew shit had gotten real. The cash we got from that went to the doctor, bills, food, and an $800 dollar 1993 Mazda pickup that had a Ford Ranger driver side door and an engine from a Ford Taurus. It had no A/C and no heat. Sometimes it started and sometimes I had to push start it ( was always a good warm up). I would continue to submit applications and resumes while doing any temporary work I could find as well. It was difficult to remain who I am during this time. Christmas was upon us and I avoided inquiries as to what I was getting for Molly or Abby. I found a couple of one day "gigs" skipped a bunch of meals and was able to get a few presents for the two of them. My gift was finding a way for my Very pregnant wife and beautiful little girl to feel like Christmas didn't skip us. Molly was busy as well, I received my most treasured gift for my birthday/Christmas last year. My first pair of Nano's (green digi camo). I will never throw them out and rarely wear them now so as to preserve them. I was so thankful for them that I couldn't even bring myself to wear them for the first month I had them. Every time I see them I am reminded of our holiday season the year before. Our struggles would continue and our ability to be creative in ways of providing for our family would be honed to an art form before it starts to get better.....

Fast forward a year. 

WE are still here plus one!

Thank you lord!! 

The last twelve months have been the most trying of my life. WE are still here. 

Our house has a lot less "stuff" in it and our drive way has a different vehicle parked in it. WE are still coming out of the hardest of times, but life is sweet and WE are still together. Stronger now than we have ever been. Stronger now than WE even knew possible. 

I am still the student struggling daily for a passing grade, refusing to be the victim.

So here it is:

I am MOST thankful for my relationships in life! DO NOT miss one opportunity to tell someone you love that you love them. Do not wait until "next time" to say thank you to someone who has helped you in anyway no matter how big or small. BE a person that people want to be around, kind, warm, happy, encouraging, and most of all: in the moment. Be present in what you are doing. Do not let the world consume you in a pursuit of material things. Don't get me wrong, I am very aware of nice clothes, cars, homes.....things, and have enjoyed them all. Always be thankful for what you have, remember that it can ALWAYS be worse and at this very moment it is for someone else, maybe even someone you know. When all of the "stuff" is gone our relationships that are real and worthwhile remain, love them, nurture them, and protect them at all cost. Because any and everything in this world can be taken from you, but who we are in OUR relationships is forever, it is your legacy, your most valuable gift to give, and what we should all be most thankful for. They are built through an investment of love and time, do not take for granted that time is on your side in this, no regrets, because we could be gone today or get a call that a loved one is no longer with us tomorrow. There will never be a better time than now to take the time to nurture, build, or repair our relationships. If you want someone to know you love them, tell them...NOW. If you are thankful, tell them...NOW. Let there be no assumptions in feelings or opportunities to come. 

I recently took part in a memorial WOD for Alex A. Viola. A young man killed in Afghanistan November 17th. Those hosting the WOD knew Alex personally and had served with him. I shared a blog entry by his sister on my Facebook page the morning of the memorial. READ It! Through the pain, his sister and teammates told stories of how because of their relationships with Alex their lives had been enriched. This is his legacy, it is his gift, and he must have understood that because those who spoke of Alex did so with such love and admiration that you knew they felt thankful and blessed to have had a relationship with him. 

Here is my request. DO NOT WAIT for everything in your life to be taken from you to understand this. DO NOT WAIT for news of a friend or loved one being taken suddenly to want an opportunity to tell them something. KNOW that our relationships are our most valuable gifts to treasure and be thankful for...........GIVE that thanks right now. 

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!! 

Everything I needed to know about life I learned from Badger

BADGER

3 rounds of:

30 -squat cleans or just plain ol' cleans if you're a dick who has to remind us all that they are just "cleans"

30 -pull ups

800 meter run

Navy Chief Petty Officer Mark Carter

Killed in combat December 11, 2007 at 27 years old. 

Mark enlisted in the Navy upon Highschool graduation knowing that he wanted to be a Navy Seal. His teammates nicknamed him "Badger" after the small but ferocious animal, citing a wrestling match that Mark at 5'5" won against an opponent at 6'5". What resonated with me as I read more and more of what I could find about Mark is that every person who spoke of Mark made a point to say that he was forever upbeat. One teammate telling a story about the two of them out in the ocean very very cold and that he looked over to Mark who was grinning ear to ear and laughing. Others saying that he was the first to charge and always maintained the ability " to find the sunny skies in even the grayest of days."

November 11, 2013 Veterans Day

WOD -BADGER

5:30pm class at CrossFit Liberty Hill

I had gotten word that BADGER would be our WOD in honoring those who have and are serving for Veterans Day. I did a brief background check on the inspiration for the WOD. My day had proven to be a roller coaster of emotions. Sadly if it were not for Facebook I would have not been able to take part in any observance. Business as usual at the office with not one moment given in recognition of Veterans. Having served myself this did not sit well. 

While driving towards the box after leaving the office I began to think about how I could honor those so worthy of our greatest praises. I decided that a good start would be to attack BADGER with my classmates and continue to work as hard as I could until everyone of us finished. You either get it or you don't. 

This was my first time doing BADGER. I was fired up! Even more than usual, imagine that if you know me and were not there. WAR FUCKING CRY!!!! The class attacked this WOD in what I can only describe as THE MOST BEAUTIFUL demonstration of grit and resolve I have ever had the honor in taking part. BADGER is a gut checker!! Grind em' out, trading one practice in misery for the next. It is not a sprint, it's a fight! The class has a focus and intensity that forces you to push. Every single one of my classmates is a bona fide member of the Not Fucking Around Club. I did not want to disappoint any of them. 

I have every conceivable conversation you could imagine with myself.....push......man my back feels fucked up......oops there's that ankle flaring up.....stop being such a pussy Chuck.....just do the WOD, that is good enough.......I am on my third "run" grinding out the last 400 meters, I hear the feet behind me, I wave my arm for them to come on, I push to move more quickly, they are getting closer, I push harder, I am going to be passed, the man passes me obviously emptying "the tank" giving all he has in Honor of our Veterans and Mark whether he knew it or not. I am on Fucking Fire!! I push to bring it in now knowing I will work like a mad man until every one of us has finished. Coach comes over to see if I had "finished" as I continue, I nod yes as I grab hold of the bar. I had started BADGER on pull ups because of the class size and was repping them out 5 at a time as classmates came in calling time. As I transition to the SQUAT cleans I realize its just me and one other classmate left. This guy is a beast!! Focused, no bull shit doing work. I don't know where he is in his rep count, I'm SQUAT cleaning 95 pounds one at a time. Jeff turns to head out on his last 800 meter run. I rep out my last two SQUAT cleans and take off to catch my classmate. I fall in just behind and to the right of Jeff. We are both fighting for every step. He begins to slow and I begin to move just ahead, Jeff works to hold my pace. I fucking love this guy!! I begin to slow and now he sets the pace. 400 meters down 400 to go. Nobody is stopping now!! We have brief pep talks as we go, actually pushing ourselves to move more quickly. One step and the next that's all that matters. There is a sharp incline waiting for us to tackle as we finish our run. We attack it in full stride!! There will be nothing left when we bring it in!!! This moment stirs such intense emotion in me as it still does now typing it out that I slow just as we reach the bay door, and slowly turn in along the wall. I cannot look at anyone and keep walking, heading out the other side into the parking lot next door. Physically my body has a euphoric feeling of having been pushed to a seldom visited place. I can not control my breathing, my mind is a million places at once.....my family, those who have served, my faith, who I want to be, Jeff and his incredible push to finish just as he started "strong", and I can no longer keep it in check. I take a knee unable to stand any longer and while the tears start to flow I look up at the stars with such a sense of gratitude that I am overflowing!! Thank you Mark Carter. Thank you Jeff. Thank you 5:30pm. I pull myself together and head inside. I scoop up my two year old daughter and hug her tightly. She tells me good job Daddy and kisses me on the cheek as she often does and I begin to well up. My life will NEVER be the same!! I thank those who are left for the inspiration, and my daughter calls out the customary "peace out CrossFit" as we walk out. Jeff and his wife are in the parking lot. I want to give Jeff a huge hug and thank him for what he did for me, as Abbers and I get closer his wife thanks me for going out on that "last run" with her husband. I thank him for pushing me to finish and tell a brief story to his wife of a wild man who attacked a WOD with such ferocity from start to finish that I was honored just to be along for the ride. 

Before I bring this home I want to share this: Jeff's BADGER time was 50 minutes and 27 seconds. I promise you that Jeff would have taken 100 minutes to "finish" what he had started had it been necessary. Jeff did not need anybody to push him, he has that rare ability to push himself. I would not hesitate for a moment to take on any challenge that life in general or CrossFit could present if I could pick Jeff as a teammate! Jeff is that guy or girl in your box that is "straight blue collar" quoting the great Mark Manning. They show up and do the work. They do not complain, they do not grandstand, and if you catch their eye during the WOD they will give you a smile letting you know that there is nothing else in this world they would rather be doing. WAR CRY!!!! We should be so lucky to share a room with Jeff and should take notes every time we do. 

So here is what I learned from BADGER:

A life worth living is worth living for something bigger than yourself. The rewards of working for a bigger picture or higher cause will fulfill us in ways we cannot imagine. Dream big with no limits, make a declaration requiring more of yourself. As the world beats on you and then even begins to rationalize for you the reasoning in coming up short, fall back to whatever it is that is bigger than you!! Dammit if we don't make it, it will not be because we quit!!!! Realize that nothing should be expected, we will have to take everything we want, and because of that we are prepared to work harder than those amongst us. Remember it is not just about you. Love BIG, attack everything in your life with reckless abandon knowing that operating out of Love affords you that right. Remind others through your actions that now is the time because tomorrow is not promised. Be ferocious!! Take issue with any and everything that would hurt others at the drop of a hat anywhere and at anytime with no regard for the consequence. Take opportunities to celebrate those who have sacrificed their freedom to protect ours. Realize though that the biggest way to honor those is to take advantage of those freedoms you have every moment of everyday!! The flip side is the realization being that to squander or waste one moment of making the most of our freedom or opportunities is a slap in the face to everyone who has worked to ensure you have them. Don't be the fake flag waiver a couple days out of the year, just like you hear the adage "don't be a Saturday sinner and a Sunday saint." Honor those worthy each and every day in how we live our daily lives. Lastly and most important to me...Be the person who finds the sunniest of skies in our darkest of moments. 

Now if you find yourself calling bullshit, go back to my account of BADGER. It's all there. And because of it every breath I take is sweeter, I love bigger and for more than just myself, I am done wishing for anything or waiting, and I will honor my family, friends, and those who have given so much not just with a flag or Facebook post, but with how I live my life. 

Thank you Mark Carter " BADGER"

Thank you veterans of past present and future. 

Thank you 5:30pm CrossFit Liberty Hill

Thank you CrossFit. Without you I do not know how I would train to live a life worth living.